Being a cradle Catholic, I dutifully attended catechism lessons every Sunday when I was young, and received the sacraments of Penance, Eucharist and Confirmation. Attending mass was something I did every weekend, usually with my family members. As I grew older, it became a part of my routine, something I did without question, but unfortunately, also something I did not derive much meaning from as it sometimes felt I was just going through the motions, without fully understanding the significance of attending mass.

When the pandemic happened, and it was announced that physical mass services were suspended, my initial reaction was one of glee and disbelief. No longer did I had to shower, dress up and travel to church to attend mass. Rather, I could do so without breaking a sweat, in the sanctuary of my own home. This convenience was something I could get used to, or so I thought.

Initially, attending mass at home was a surreal feeling. The online experience did not seem to differ too much from what I was used to in church. I still could listen to and reflect on the readings, pay attention to the priest’s homily and participate and sing the hymns. The only thing that differed was the inability to receive Holy Communion. However, that did not dampen my enthusiasm for attending mass virtually. In fact, I even wondered why the church had not entertained the thought of having online mass earlier—it would enable more people to be able to attend mass, even those who were travelling or overseas for other reasons.

However, as the weeks went by, I was gradually overcome by thoughts I never thought I would have—I actually missed attending mass in person. I missed singing as part of a congregation, responding as one to the priest and interacting with my fellow mass goers. Most of all, I missed receiving Holy Communion, and came to realise how blessed I had been previously, to be able to partake in Christ’s celebration. Something just seemed to be off when attending mass online and it did not seem to be able to satisfy me spiritually. I guess as with anything in life, you only come to appreciate something after you no longer have it. I certainly came to have a deeper understanding of the significance of attending mass every week, as well as a better appreciation of my faith.

When I was finally able to attend mass in person, I did so, albeit with some apprehension, since there were still understandable concerns of being infected with the virus. As I neared the church, the familiar building seemed to set my mind at ease as I went through the various procedures before being able to sit in the pew. When mass began, I participated fully and wholeheartedly, determined to make up for the time lost during the suspension of mass services. Being able to finally receive Holy Communion again was definitely the highlight of my experience. I was initially a little nervous when standing in line to await my turn, going through in my mind the actions to perform, now that I was wearing a mask. However, all my uneasiness and anxiety dissipated when I finally was able to receive Holy Communion. It felt that my entire being became overwhelmed with a sense of calm and peace, a sensation I had been missing when attending mass virtually. My heart became lighter as I returned to my seat, joyful to have received the gift of Holy Communion after all this time.

Not being able to attend mass physically for such a long period of time has changed my perspective of attending mass. It is no longer a weekly obligation, but something that allows me to practise my faith and fulfill me spiritually, and is something I look forward to every week, time that allows me to spend time with God, as well as with my fellow Catholic brothers and sisters. Now that mass services have resumed, I urge all of you who are able to do so to go to church and celebrate Christ in the presence of our other Catholic brothers and sisters. I do feel that virtual masses still serve a purpose for those who are ill or physically unable to attend mass, as well as those who are travelling overseas and may not be able to find a church nearby. However, nothing can compare to the experience of being physically present at the table of Christ.